THE ART OF LISTENING
Recently I was asked “how do I listen more effectively?” There is no quick or easy answer to that question but if one person asked it, chances are more of you are wondering the same thing!
Listening is a huge part of the communication process. If the first half of that process if the creation and transmission of information, the second half is reception and perception. Listening occurs in the second half.
We hear things constantly. Hearing is passive. Sound is all around us, and our ears are masters at sorting and processing all that sound. But listening is so much more than just hearing.
While hearing is a passive process, listening is an active one. There are varying degrees of listening, however, all of them are active processes.
Today, we will focus on intentional listening. Intentional listening is done by intentionally paying attention to what is being said and internalizing the information.
In his most recent book, Think Again, Adam Grant talks about a series of experiments in which people interacted with empathetic, non-judgmental, attentive listeners. The participants were noted to feel less anxious and defensive and felt less pressure when communicating with these individuals. (To read more on this, check out pages 158-160 of Think Again)
Think about a time when you had to speak with someone, and you felt anxious. Then think about a time when you felt comfortable communicating – like you were really being heard and the other person was intentionally listening to you. What was the difference between those two interactions?
Chances are good that in the first experience you felt anxious because the listener wasn’t as attentive as you needed them to be. Maybe they were disinterested in what you had to say, or they were distracted. This behavior from your listener(s) can make you feel less confident in your ability to communicate effectively, when in reality, it is the listener that is inadequate.
As a business professional, service provider, or leader, it is your responsibility to ensure that YOU are an effective, attentive, and non-judgmental listener. This will allow your clients, associates, and subordinates to feel confident and comfortable communicating with you. You should always strive to help those communicating with you to feel like you are intentionally listening to them, and that they are being heard.
Listening is one skill we can all improve. It is hard to train ourselves to overcome our urges to interrupt, interject, and respond when we should just keep our mouths shut and our ears and minds open. To help you with this, here are 8 tips to help you become a more effective listener.
1. Eliminate distractions – when people come to you to discuss an issue, ask questions, or give feedback, turn off the distractions. Put your phone on silent, turn on your out-of-office responder on your email, close your office door…whatever you can do to show the other person that you are actively giving them your full attention, do it.
2. Keep your mouth shut – Do NOT interrupt the other person. Wait for them to present their thoughts and ideas and when the time is right, respond. Remember, you should listen to understand, not just to respond.
3. Make eye contact – When someone comes to you, they are seeking connection. One of the easiest ways to connect with others is to make eye contact. It shows you are engaged and confirms there are no distractions because you are focusing on the person as they speak to you.
4. Actively seek feedback – If you lead or serve people in any capacity, you have a duty to improve yourself. Ask your clients or team members for feedback or ask them what they need from you, then implement their suggestions.
5. Ask questions – Once it is your turn to respond, don’t just give answers and call it a day. Ask questions that will help the other person to expand on their thoughts or discover new ideas. As a listener, it is not your job to challenge the other person’s thoughts, but to help them challenge their own thoughts or uncover deeper thoughts and ideas.
6. Be receptive – Be open to the thoughts and words of those around you. When others come to you for advice or guidance, listen to what they say and what they don’t say. Often people are afraid to come right out and say what they mean so they will say things that hint to it without coming right out to say it.
7. Hear with your ears, listen with your mind – As I said earlier, our ears are masters at gathering and processing sound. But I’d venture a guess that we truly listen to only a small fraction of all the sounds we are bombarded with. When you listen, you must prioritize processing the words and information that are said to you above the noise of everything else.
8. Speak less, listen more – This one explains itself. When you speak less, you give the other party plenty of room to speak their mind. By saying less, you are inviting them to say more, which allows you to listen more.
There are so many ways to improve your listening skills. There are equally as many scenarios you may find yourself in that will require varying degrees of listening. Listening to a subordinate is a vastly different situation that attending a business conference and listening to speaker in a crowded room. Sometimes you will have trouble focusing on what is being said. This is when you have to dig in and force yourself to open your ears and your mind so you can absorb the information and become a better listener.
I hope this article has helped you think about the ways you can improve your listening skills, provide better customer service, better client experiences, and better outcomes for those you lead and mentor.
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Ciao for now!